Holiday shopping

when you're feeling fat...

I usually love shopping for my summer holidays.  I'll have been watching what I eat for a few weeks and I genuinely enjoy putting on a bikini and messing around on the beach, or in the pool.  I like what I look like, yes, I've got my lumps and bumps and bits I'd change if I could, but I've got nothing to be ashamed of, especially being a Mummy.

Shopping today however felt more like a trip to the supermarket:

Dress: check
Skirt: check
T-shirt: check

There was no "darling you look amazing" and no, "Wow, this makes me feel sexy".  There was a checklist of clothes that required purchasing and that was that.  Most important factor was that they were comfortable, cotton and could hopefully last me until our other holiday in September.

I'm being too superstitious to buy, or start wearing maternity clothes yet, so instead I'm in limbo, pulling out clothes that I wore 'on my way down' from my last pregnancy.

I'm not going to feel glum though, putting on weight is actually what I've been wanting to happen for the last year while trying to get pregnant.  I just think it's harder this time because I didn't put on any noticeable weight last time until after my scan, when I knew my son was there and healthy.  This time I'm getting a little bump and changing my wardrobe, but constantly at the back of my mind is that fact that it's far from in the bag at this stage.  I've know friends who've miscarried at 11 weeks and those who've gone for their scan to find that the baby was dead.  It's really hard to get excited with that on your mind.