Time to chill

I woke up this morning, rain lashing at the windows and not a hint of the blazing sunshine I bid farewell to yesterday, but I'm ok, it's time to chill. I have convinced myself that this month it is going to happen, but the only way I can ensure it us to make sure December is as stressfree as possible!

I listened to my alarm ring at the usual 0550 and decided that I'd sod em and go in with hubby and drop off our son at the childminders. I don't mind admitting it was a hell of a journey. I usually travel in when it's all quiet and I can get my seat and mind my own business, but this morning I was pinned against the glass of the 0804 to Waterloo dreaming of far-off places. Luckily I have my escapism in the form of a book, it's one of the best I've read in years and it would be a tough call between this one and Atonement.

I am reading The Time Traveler's Wife. It is magical. It makes you dream of parallel universes and what love is really about and you wonder that if you had the opportunity to go back and change it all, would you? Or would you just take advantage? Would you write down the lottery numbers, or play the stock market, or simply go back and take your husband's virginity when he was 18 and you are 41. Or, if you really start to think about it, would you go back and try the old Ménage à trois that you've always wondered about, but never really dared to consider... it would only be with yourself after all!

This is the world I escaped to today. I am keeping my work in perspective, it is the only way this is going to work. For the first time ever, I actually grabbed 5 minutes in the ladies to read a section... I have seven working days left after today until the 5th January. During that time I really do believe that I will get pregnant. It's the right time for everything.

So, as I lie in bed thinking that what I've written has probably just tempted the evil hand of fate I consider what will happen if the grand plan doesn't work. Simple. We try again. A friend said to me recently that she believes that God already knows all our children's birthdays. I like that. It makes me feel secure. I spend my life at work trying to change things, to make them better, so the thought that somewhere out there there is one grand plan for my life and my children, makes me calm. One day it will happen and when it does, it will be right.