I know, its one of the cardinal sins of dinner party conversation, but they're close friends and no one got offended.
I also think I have a relatively rare perspective on this as a woman because, for the majority of the past 10 years I have been the higher earner. I have no issue whatsoever (and in fact it didn't even cross my mind until friends started talking to me about it) with the fact that I may pay in more on a monthly basis than my husband.
When we got married we even said the vows:
"All that I am I give to you and all that I have I share with you"Can someone therefore please explain the phenomenon to me, which most, if not all of my friends seem to have adopted... They have their own accounts and then pay the same amount each into a household account. They then have their own money which they can do what they wish with. Seems fairly logic and sensible so far.
Then you consider the conversation we had last night. The husband earns "three times" what the wife earns, so even though they both pay an equal amount into the joint account every month, this is to cover the food shopping, utility bills and the cleaner. The rest they keep themselves. This, I am told, is so that she feels she has "financial freedom", so that she doesn't feel "guilty" if she wants to buy a £200 dress, as it's "her money". Fair enough I suppose, but then I probe deeper and find out that HE pays the mortgage, HE paid for the very expensive full interior decoration of their 4 bedroom house in Clapham, HE pays whenever they go out for dinner and HE pays for the holidays.
Financial freedom??? Get a grip dear, your husband practically pays for every part of your life, but just because you have a little bit of money in your account you don't feel guilty when you but an expensive dress... How selfish can you be? The thought that your husband has the entire burden of keeping a roof over your head and you don't feel guilty because that money was yours anyway??!!
Sorry, I just don't get the logic. I revert to my original point: If everything you earn is shared, then all expenditure will be prioritised. If, once all the necessities have been paid for, there is still £200 for that dress in the joint pot, then go for it, your deserve it and why the hell should you feel guilty.
I worry for my friends like these: will they end up as slaves to their husbands hand outs?
I'm sorry if I have offended any readers and I really would like to hear from anyone who thinks this type of financial arrangement works. I'm happy to admit I'm wrong, but I just don't get it at the moment.
Rant over!
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2 comments:
A joint account is a good idea but when you are the only earner and have a joint account then it gets complicated. Husband sometimes thinks that he can use money from it!!! IT ANNOYS ME - GET A JOB THEN YOU CAN HAVE SOME MONEY!!
BNMx
Ooh that's a can of worms well and truely opened. I shall be popping back over the day to see what responses you get.
I see where you are coming from and it does indeed make sense for both parties to put in maybe a percentage of their salaries, if not the same ammount each to cover the household expenses.
However, here is where I contradict myself. Our own financial situation is that officially I am a SAHM so therefore don't earn, but since Joseph started school I now work a few hours a week in our Guesthouse, this earns me on average about €25 a week which is used solely for my own gratification. We agreed that I could do this so I didn't have to ask my husband for money every time I wanted to buy myself a new top or whatever, and it does give me a small amount of financial freedom. Obviously it's a very small amount to earn and anything larger such as holidays, trips back to the UK etc are largely funded by t'husband, once I ran out of my savings.
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