Gotta go shorter

Well, I woke up this morning and decided it's just not right. It's not brave enough, so I called the hairdresser and they are going to restyle it for me tomorrow for free - yippee :-) watch out Victoria Beckham here I come lol!

Friday is my day off, it's usually a day of readjustment for both me and my son and can be wonderful, or bloody awful. Tomorrow however will be different: I have a hospital appointment at the breast clinic. I found a lump in my left breast a few months ago, but it seems to go up and down with my cycle, so I tried to ignore it a little. Last month I changed my mind and went to my GP. I was hoping she wouldn't feel anything, but she did and referred me to the breast clinic, albeit with the advice that she doesn't think it's cancer.

My mum got breast cancer when I was in my final year of University, it really messed me up, and my sisters. She ignored a lump all summer holidays so she didn't spoil it for us... And by the time she did get it checked, it had spread to her glands. Silly woman. She went through a partial mastectomy, chemotherapy and radiotherapy. She's been in remission for over 5 years now, which is wonderful. I don't think our family will ever be the same though, it almost tore us apart. I was away studying so I didn't see the full impact of it, but my sisters were at an age (17 and 15) when they really needed support from their mother. We all thought she had 5 years to live. That was a real head-fuck. You have to come to terms with the fact that your mother won't be at your wedding, or meet your children. I think we all started to let go, we all did. Rumour has it that my father had an affair with his brother's wife...but that's a whole other story I'll go into another time when my son's not demanding I watch In the Night Garden with him ;-)

So, as you can see, where breast lumps are concerned, there is a certain amount of history.

My mum does't know about my lump and I've actually only told 3 friends plus my husband. My mum wouldn't sleep if she knew.

Neither can I. I'm terrified. Wish me luck x